Alchemizing the Messy Middle - A Writing Journey

Wielding words to new beliefs

Yesterday I visited my local independent bookstore, The Best Book Store in Palm Springs, yes it deserves that name and it is the only bookstore in Palm Springs. I walked in with a list of books I wanted and ended up coming out with two magazines instead simply because of the overwhelm. There’s too many calling my name. I have good intentions to read the many, many books I desire but I might not. I’ll take what I need from the multiple books I’m reading at once and then make it a home on the shelf with the others so I can admire it from a distance. You should see my night stand.

However, on this day, I am happy with the magazine purchases which I know I can complete cover to cover, should each article entice me. I’m one of those people who reads the list of editors, contributors and addresses at the beginning of a magazine. Imagining my name there on one of those types of publications has been a dream of mine since I graduated college over 30 years ago. And while it’s still a dream, it’s getting closer because of the belief I have within.

I attended my very first writing retreat recently in Santa Fe, New Mexico with A Writing Room Collective founded by Jacob Nordby, Sam Lamott and Clair G and Reese Zecchin. This retreat had top seasoned authors as presenters; Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way), Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird), SARK (Wild Succulent Woman), Alex Elle (After the Rain), Ryan Spears, Laura McDermott, Amie McNee, Lauren Sapala and open-mic winner, Kemi Nekvapil (Power: A Woman’s Guide to Living and Leading without Apology). This retreat brought people from all over the globe from the U.S., Greece, and the U.K. to name a few.

As a volunteer that weekend, I was able to sell books to all the enthusiastic participants and literally swooned like a little fan-girl when Alex Elle and her hubby Ryan Spears walked by. It was a perfect balance to participate and contribute during the weekend.

As the weekend ensued, my mind tugged a bit knowing my spiritual community was gathering in the Taos Hanuman ashram for the 50th anniversary of Ram Dass’ guru Neem Karoli Baba’s departure. I was only an hour away and although the FOMO simmered, it quickly disappeared because of the authentic and spiritual nature of the very retreat I was attending. And of course, where ever you go there you are and inevitably, my Baba’s (Ram Dass) guru filtered into my writing. This retreat was spiritual through writing, uncovering, unpacking, excavating through the fears and imposter syndrome that can plague anyone who is pursuing creativity. And as soon as Annie said, “Writing is just like dropping in the the heart cave, like Ram Dass said,” I knew I was in the right place and he was with me there too.

Here are my musings from the weekend which I think anyone can benefit from.

Limiting Beliefs -

Uncovering the limiting beliefs were first on the agenda by figuring out what the internalized moments from ages zero to eight permeated our beings when we move from character to victim in our life’s story. It is human nature to cling to our suffering after all and it begins so early in our lives. However, when we recognize who our hero(s) are along our own Hero’s Journey we can realize that paying attention at a bird’s eye view can be incredibly helpful as well.

It’s a beautiful day everyday, only you can ruin it.

Our life’s journey is to figure out who we truly are and if we aren’t paying attention we will soon be wallowing in the suffering and death will be near. We were never told to fall in love with ourselves but that is the goal of life so we don’t have to suffer as much. It takes effort. If we can stop long enough to simply notice what is around.

I recalled my childhood bedroom, the rose tint of the room from the sun shining through the rose colored fabric on my windows, resting on my bed gazing up at the ceiling that looked like patchy cement quickly slathered on with a flat instrument but left no pattern. This patchwork job created amazing characters on my ceiling, faces, mountains, birds that I would gaze up at and seek out as comfort before I would fall asleep. The inner critic would cease and I would be peaceful to enter the dreamworld.

Universal Truth

It is a universal truth that we are fighting internal battles and our inner critic however, we can tell it to shut up. We can say thank you to it and tell it that you’re moving on now from that story. We can stop believing the lies we tell ourselves every single day. I decided to stop telling myself that I was fat because while I may have been at some points in my life, I’m not. What lie are you telling yourself? Chances are, it’s not true and it’s not helping you to enjoy your life one single bit.

Moving in the space between

How do we move in the space between? What do we share with others and what do we keep to ourselves? What are the better questions we can ask ourselves that shape our lives?

Helpful journaling prompts

1. What do you want?

2. What is the cost to get what I want? What are the boundaries that need to be set?

3. Are you willing to pay for it? How badly do you want it?

SARK

Alchemizing the messy middle

Truthfully, there is SO much in the messy middle from desires, old beliefs, new beliefs, moments of fear, and all annoying inner critic who gets in the way a lot. I also realize I have come so far already, it’s now moving to the next level and it’s super exciting and scary and I HAVE to do it with my whole heart. Healers, artists, creators take the harder path because they have no choice and I have no choice. I claim this part of me that is all of these things in addition to being all the other roles in life I play. They are all weaved together and come out in writing which is an incredibly healing experience when I sit down to focus and do it.

This retreat made me realize that I have been on this path my whole life, I simply believe in myself more than before. I wrote the draft of the introduction to the book I plan to write to help others along their own parenting journey from a spiritual perspective of parenting a child who lives with a mental health disorder. This book will be a way to transform a parent’s relationship with their child through quotes and thought-provoking essays through words that feel like hugs or reflections that mirror the reader’s own heart. It will be a book that you can pick up and open to any page and you receive what is needed for your day.

I commit to continue to work and move in flow with my life and with the gentle push of the wind at my back and all of you who read and believe in me too. Here is a photo of my affirmations scribed at the retreat. Anyone find the word I used twice? hmmmm.

other places to connect and recent published writing

Meditation Teaching -

I’m back at the beautiful desert oasis at Two Bunch Palms teaching 3 mornings per week and 2 half day retreats per month. If you’re looking for a revitalizing place to rest, heal and recharge check it out.

You can always meditate with me where ever you are with the free Insight Timer app.

Mental health advocacy -

Giving Caregivers a Platform: Chandra, Mother of Sophia - In this interview, I cover Chandra’s navigation of the medical system to help her daughter get to the bottom of her challenges so she may lead a happy and healthy life. Like many mothers, Chandra continues to learn about the intricacies of Sophia’s multiple diagnoses—and their impact on her—and reflects on where the medical system and its partnership with parents and children fall short.