Cat Stevens was on heavy rotation this summer
Lyrical transitions
We listened to a LOT of Cat Stevens (Yusef Islam) this summer, “Father and Son” to be exact. I loved Cat Stevens growing up. “Tea for the Tillerman” was often on replay in the car and at summer camp. Thanks to my daughter’s obsession with the folk genre and playing D.J. in the car, I get to relive all the greats from the 70’s era often seen from a new perspective. She digs into every song from its musicality to the lyrics to understanding what was happening in the world when the single was released. This young woman, my daughter is an appreciator and participant of life in so many ways!
And then I heard the line, “From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen.” It gutted me like a punch the stomach, liquid made it difficult to see.
Did I ignore this line before? Did I think it was something completely different and hummed over it? It clearly was never processed prior to that moment. Then I began to worry and made it about me.
Was I that parent?
When the kids were little, I commuted sometimes an hour each direction and order was of importance. The days were long and the years became short with routines and structure living by the school calendar dictating our lives. Schedule was of utmost importance. I often rushed through the evening routine of dinner, bath and bed. Of course there were wonderful moments of developmental stages but change was scary. When I was often laid off from Silicon Valley corporate recruiting roles, I’d take it personally.
In today’s world, our jobs are our identity first because it puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. We become wrapped in this identity, without a choice in many ways, to assist in a company’s success, meeting deliverables, getting to the final destination of success which never came. For some this is their life’s work but deep down for me, I knew it never was the real me.
Only three years ago, I was a case of mistaken identity as a worker bee. My ego identity got the best of me one too many times. Identity looks for relief where ever it can by fixing, solving, evaluating, comparing, trying to make secure that is not possible to make secure. The memories become second-hand stories, like the game of telephone which sometimes get morphed into a deep resentment and fear informing the present state of being.
Even though eight years ago, my son had a crisis that went on for about three years that robbed him of his whole adolescent development continuing to this day despite being stable for the last five. At the beginning of this crisis, I was laid off from my job and I fell into a deep grief for months. It was the beginning of letting go of the tight grip of control but it would take a pandemic and moving from our home to push this process even further.
We are in the process of teaching and saving one another everyday. Pushing one another to do better with compassion and care. And it doesn’t always work. My relationships within my familial unit has pushed me into a deeper trajectory of spiritual seeking and becoming who I am today which will never be complete. I still struggle to stay positive and hopeful. Feelings of how I wish things were can be overwhelming at 4am.
There are so many parents who are caring for children who have special needs and mental health challenges who are dealing with this everyday. It dominates our bodies and minds. Whatever grand plans we had for ourselves as individuals to change the world have disintegrated into the complete focus on raising these special human beings. Often we are the forgotten warriors. This role is often thankless work that people do not see.
AND yet... What we are doing as parents is cosmically important. It has significance! We are behind the scenes staying patient, day after day in service. This service is for the betterment of society.
“I’ll always remember you like a child, girl. Oh baby it’s a wild world. It’s hard to get by on a smile.” Cat Stevens
This whole summer felt like a transition. Waiting to launch. The terms, “windowing” and “soiling the nest” became prevalent along with so many hugs and cuddles and kisses. Our daughter worked hard to get here through so many obstacles on her unique journey in her beautiful becoming. Becoming a young person with heart, fire, independence and radiant light I am so honored to be her mama. This summer was all about motherhood for me and her becoming an independent college student who will stumble and get up and shine. This is her time, her place to take up space to soar and roar. My love will never cease for either of my children. Motherhood is a gift with heartache and most of all love.
Love is the strongest medicine, it’s powerful than electricity. - NKB
I am a writer, meditation teacher and mental health advocate, blending these three to have an impact on reducing stigma, informing and with the hopes of creating more heart-based, empathetic individuals.
Join me in community at this donation-based spiritual parenting group, sangha, which meets twice a month.
First and third Thursdays from 5:00 pm - 6:30 pm PT
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Have a listen on Insight Timer to hear guided meditations especially for parents.
