Craving Spring - A conversation with author Ann Batchelder

Discovering wisdom through a mother / daughter relationship

Hello Readers!

This is an excerpt from a recent conversation I had with author Ann Batchelder.

ANN BATCHELDER is the author of CRAVING SPRING: A mother’s quest, a daughter’s depression, and the Greek myth that brought them together. (Legacy Book Press)

Ann served as Editor of Fiberarts Magazine for ten years. Later, as guest curator for the Asheville Art Museum, she designed and developed three major contemporary art exhibitions featuring internationally recognized artists such as Louise Bourgeois, Ann Hamilton, Sally Mann, Maya Lin, and Laurie Anderson.

She earned an English degree from Kenyon College, a master’s degree (MSW) in psychotherapy from Simmons University, was Acting Director of the International Studies Program at Lesley University, an account executive for a Manhattan advertising agency, and the Director of Special Events for the Brooklyn Academy of Music.

Ann has kept a mindfulness practice since 2004, is the mother of two adult children, and lives with her husband in Asheville, N.C.

Our universal life themes overlap as women and mothers struggling with the unique challenges of our young adult children. More and more, women are telling their stories of motherhood, and I believe it’s our time to be heard in these new heroic ways.

In this exchange, we explore how women find their sovereignty while guiding our children during their unique struggles. We both found in our search for resilience the practical support within the practices of Buddhism.

Ann’s daughter had her bout with mental health challenges, along with addiction. Ann tells her story in her book (Craving Spring: A Mother’s Quest, a Daughter’s Depression, and the Greek Myth That Brought Them Together) as an ode to her journey as a mother. (www.annbatchelder.com)

Shelley: I appreciate how you found solace in the Greek myth of Demeter and Persephone while writing this book. How did this come about?

Ann: I had a therapist who suggested the mother-daughter myth about Demeter and Persephone when my daughter was struggling in high school. I loved reading about this ancient mother who was distraught because her daughter had been captured and dragged to hell. That felt very familiar to me at the time. But Demeter refused to back down. She fought for her child and never gave up. That also appealed to me. The more I read, the more parallels I saw in my life, which I why I chose to weave the myth into my memoir and take our assumptions about the mother role out of our particular moment in history. One of the things I loved about Demeter was that she could be a mess and was still loved and respected in Ancient Greece. That was a huge learning for me.

Shelley: I think the biggest challenge for moms is to somehow keep our sovereignty as individuals, and to be able to live our lives. There’s more to our lives' sole purpose other than saving and protecting our children. We miss who we are as individuals with our hopes and dreams. What was your biggest lesson during this time in your life?

Ann: Yeah, what I learned having written my book was how important it was to trust myself, to learn the importance of my own wisdom. Not that I had all the answers to begin with, but that I could intuitively resonate with what felt right, gather information, then question and reevaluate.

I think there's a danger when people think they know all the answers, and they blindly go ahead. I think you have to be willing to be curious and open to a lot of ideas, and then assimilate all that information and figure out for yourself what makes sense. And it comes. It happens not just in motherhood, it happens when you get older.

Shelley: There comes a time in the “illness” journey when both individuals have to take their own path. I’ve read and spoken to many individuals who become adversely impacted by the long-term use of drugs that only mask the symptoms for many years.

At what point did your daughter become curious about her own journey?

Ann: In 2016, she decided to hike the Appalachian trail and got about 800 miles into it but contracted Lyme disease in the process. At the time, nobody understood Lyme, nobody diagnosed it and she was textbook symptomatic—from brain fog and chronic fatigue, and all the things we now know, like gut issues. It took five years to diagnose because it seemed everybody, including all the doctors, just said it was all in her head. I knew she wasn't faking it.

She's functioning and fine now, though not 100%. But she's a whole lot better.

Shelley: What did she do to help herself during this process?

Ann: She took a lot of different approaches. She went to a functional medicine doctor and she totally changed her diet going off sugar, gluten, and dairy. She exercises – the whole thing. It was a combination of all the things she did that became the solution to her better health.

Shelley: Sounds like finding faith in being curious. We can’t take one path or one road to it all. The process of curiosity and investigation like exploring a spiritual path which I believe we have in common. Exploring Buddhism to Hinduism or finding the parallels of the Greek myths or even going to Al-anon like you investigated as well. You explored these topics in your book.

Ann: Buddhism or Hinduism, Al-anon or a Greek myth —all of that. It was a whole process of curiosity and investigation about attachment as well as the role of motherhood.

Shelley: This can really put a strain on a relationship. If a partnership where the father {or otherwise} has to be the breadwinner when a child isn’t well, they may fall into traditional gender roles of the mother staying home and the father going to work. The individual with a paying job can begin to process the dynamics as, “Oh, I have to do this work for my family even if I don’t like it. I'm a martyr. I have to be the breadwinner to provide health insurance,” and thus projecting that the partner taking care of the challenged child has it easy if she/he/they aren’t working full time.

Ann: Yeah. My husband finally got it that I played a really big role in our children's health, and even though I was off and on working it was just still really up to me to manage all that.

Shelley: I’m glad to hear that, so many couples separate during these types of crises. Do you think it’s a life sentence to be diagnosed with a mental illness? Or what’s your take on medications? I don't think that these medications are necessarily for the long term, yet there is no alternative to go off of them because they also perpetuate the symptoms. They can be temporary fixes.

Ann: Mental illness symptoms can come and go. It may not be something you experience all the time. It’s so confusing. My daughter is on medication for depression and when she doesn’t take it, it’s not good. But I think it’s dangerous to label people.

That’s one of the reasons I wrote my book.

Through my Buddhist study and everything else, I came to understand that we're all on the spectrum of addiction—or you can call it attachment, you know.

Before I got my social work degree, I worked in a mental hospital. I was scared to death to work with schizophrenic patients because they were so erratic and violent until somebody explained to me that they were only experiencing what we experience, but on a heightened level. For them, sounds are louder, colors are brighter.

That’s when I realized we're all on the same spectrum. All of a sudden I had so much more compassion and understanding.

I wanted to bring that to my book in terms of talking about addiction, that it's not us and them. It’s not that we’re okay and they have this addiction to whatever.

I wanted to show, for example, that as a mother, I was addicted to getting my daughter well. It wasn't a substance abuse, but that was my craving. That's why I called my memoir Craving Spring. I wanted everything to be perfect for her. I was craving her to be fixed so I wouldn't have to worry or be in my own pain as a mother.

Right? This is what Buddhism talks about. We all have attachments. We all want things to go our way. We all want spring, whether we realize it or not.

In my book, I also wanted to explore the notion of recovery. Just because you're in addiction and you get off drugs or alcohol, recovery is not a straight line. Even if you're not going back to substance abuse, it could be unhealthy relationships or whatever your core issues are.

Underneath, it’s really the soul's hunger, something we have to constantly work at healing.

I had this awareness as a mother that I wanted to let go. And even though I knew all that, I still had relapses. But now I’m more aware. That's the key. That’s what I was trying to write about in my book.

Shelley: I love that so much. I can relate that my own addiction is also to helping my son, constantly researching and trying different things that will potentially help him.

Ann: So compassion is really key. And being gentle with ourselves, but also recognizing right action, right speech. You know you try to be that way. But you're not going to be perfect.

I'm not “bad” for being codependent or enabling, but it is my responsibility to assess the situation and decide what's the right action in this moment. It could be one thing one moment and one thing another moment, and that's where the trust comes in. That's where you have to trust. And if you make a mistake, you make a mistake. Mothers having to be perfect drives me nuts, you know? We can't—it's impossible.

Find out more about Ann Batchelder and buy her book:

https://www.annbatchelder.com/

Caregiver Interview Series:

I have enjoyed interviewing other parents who are enrolled as caregivers for Mad in America. You can read them here: https://www.madinamerica.com/author/skarpaty/

Podcast Updates:

Listen to my latest podcast with Lizzie Langston here.

Lizzie Langston, a certified trauma-informed life coach, psychic medium, and trauma recovery expert. Lizzie has over 7 years of experience guiding women through personal transformation, spiritual awakenings, and times of life change, including postpartum. She specializes in helping women navigate times of great life transition or inner darkness.

Coming up in March:

Connie Corley, PhD, has a long history of teaching and research in the fields of aging and social work. Professor Emerita at Fielding Graduate University and California State University, Los Angeles, she is balancing continued writing about resilience and creativity while engaging in new interests, including playing the harmonium and samba dancing. Connie has been recognized through awards including Distinguished Woman, Empathy in Teaching, and Leadership in Gerontological Social.

Sunday, March 2 at 10am - 11am PT

Creative Flow Revival: Guided Writing Sessions for the Soul

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Creative Flow Revival: Guided Sessions for the Soul is here to help you reconnect with your creative spark and shake off the monotony.

In this fun, supportive hour, you’ll:
✨ Rekindle your creativity and confidence
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WHEN: 1st Sundays beginning March 2nd from 10am PT - 11am PT