Keeping my heart open in hell and it's on fire

Wearing a Jewish star necklace for the first time

I remember being 15 years old visiting Israel with a group of peers in a month long organized journey throughout the country. It was the first time I had left the States and been so far away from my family. At that time, Israel was only 36 years old in 1984 and the country was blossoming as a tiny socialist democracy, a country the size of New Jersey. There were kibbutzim, communities that lived and worked together, like productive communes of multi-generational families producing food and products for the country and taking care of one another.

We toured the country from top to bottom and while I was homesick being in a land that barely spoke English at the time, it was kind, loving and comforting. Seeing the military among civilians was jarring and being the minority as a fair-skinned blonde blue-eyed girl, I totally stood out. I ate fresh watermelon, schnitzel and salads of diced cucumbers, tomatoes and onions. The diverse country was growing with other Arabs, Jews from Arab nations, Europe and Africa. I had a first kiss with an Israeli boy named Haim, drank Maccabee beer and smoked Time cigarettes. We stayed at a desert field school called Matzoke Dragot (youth hostel) and heard the military planes flying above. Drinking one night, we stayed up until the wee hours to climb Masada to watch the sunrise. It was magical and surreal.

(Not my trip but we looked like this in 1984.)

I am so grateful for these memories. Now my homeland, a place I knew I could always have a place, is suffering immensely. And a part of me is dying. I don’t know what will be of this little democratic country that has contributed much to the world in medicine, technology, desalination of sea water, music, art, so much beauty and love of life.

If you don’t know the history of the land, watch this accurate video. It is 15 minutes of education you probably didn’t know.

More people are telling me who they are and it is clear who I cannot trust and align with. I am moderate liberal who believes in a balanced free society with ethical more kind capitalism, with free education and healthcare for everyone. We haven’t been living this way for a long time. I do not align with the far left nor the far right. I miss the world of taking care of one another in respect, community and kindness.

“You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein

Because I am a Jew I stand in solidarity with Jews. And I also feel the pain and suffering of Palestinians. Their conditions are clearly terrible which has added fuel to the fire. I am not ignorant of Israel’s current extreme right leaning government and the mistreatment of Palestinians. In the same way, how Hamas keeps their people suffering on purpose, denies human dignity and teaching of propaganda. Hamas is very clear on their mission of hatred and extermination of all Jews no matter the cost. Their people are hostages of their own government and they have also bred this hatred. Simply read the comments on social media. It is extremely triggering and filled with hate. Beware how they are trying so hard to sway the narrative to their propaganda. No remorse. They have NO remorse for the murders.

One thing is very clear - Judaism does not hate.

The hate speech being allowed on University campuses, allowed to bully, intimidate Jewish students is abhorrent. Intellectually and highly regarded elite universities (NYU, Harvard, Cornell, Stanford, UofWA, etc) which has been blanketed in ignorance, propaganda and downright lies. For the Universities not to take a stand in keeping their Jewish students safe and shutting these protests down is a new low. Again NO remorse. “From the river to the sea.. “ means kill Jews at all costs.

My heart hurts. My head hurts.

“This is a false and wicked choice rooted in what Albert Einstein called a delusion of consciousness that creates a zero-sum world of “us” against “them,” perpetuated by ideologies and religions that sanctify martyrs and celebrate murderers, that divide people into chosen and not chosen, saved and damned, believers and infidels, high caste and low, and that promote the oppression and even genocide of whoever is deemed “other.” — Rabbi Rami Shapiro

It is all driven by egos, power, righteousness, fear and the desire to be the only special ones. Antisemitism did not begin with the Holocaust it was always brewing from the beginning of time. Israel’s existence is vital to the Jewish population. This is a war against evil. We must remember that governments do not represent the truth of the people, especially in today’s world of divisiveness.

There have been times this week where my suffering has been overshadowed, stomped on, dismissed, and denied because of many leaders in Buddhist communities I love, cannot and will not take a side. And although many of my teachers who are ancestrally Jewish, have not spoken up for the Jews but always has outward sympathy for those in other lands. They make it political by not speaking up for Jewish people who are a marginalized minority too. This has been infuriating and very painful.

I now wear a Jewish star for the first time with pride. I will be visiting a synagogue for Shabbat for the first time in more than 4 years to feel that warmth of my ancestral people. It is deep in my heart and my very DNA. And still I cultivate my own solace from the meditative practices I have been using for over 10 years now. It calms my nervous system and allows for my heart to soften and open. I know that is what the world needs as well as the anger for social action along with sorrow.

Shalom. Salam. Om Shanti.

Todah raba - thank you for reading.

Ahava (love),

Shelley

p.s. See resources below

Resources for learning: (hover mouse over for link)

Suffering as Grace - Ram Dass

Noa Tishby - Author, Activist Former Special Envoy for Combating Antisemitism and Delegitimization of Israel

Ben Freeman - Educator and Author

Hillel Neuer - Executive Director of United Nations Watch, International lawyer, human rights activist, writer

ADL - Anti Defamation League

Shelley Karpaty’s photo with Yahzeit Memorial Candle