Reframing Expectations
Conscious Parenting Series #1
Dear Parents,
Please know that the healing and growth you do for yourself is a great gift to your children. Integrating that growth into your bloodline allows your children to discover who they are as individuals and to create their own path.
There is no greater act of selfless love than this, I believe it, I’m here for it.
Self compassion is only one facet of this path.
Be love,
Shelley
Perhaps your life isn’t the way you had hoped it would be. Maybe your job, bank account, primary relationship, or even parenting skills have seen better days. Maybe it’s been difficult to get anything done, and the ball keeps getting dropped because you’re busy managing tasks like doctor’s appointments and medication for your loved one. Or maybe you are worried because your young adult is overmedicating on substances and living on the street. Maybe there’s a child who is neurodivergent, recently diagnosed on the spectrum, and you’re learning new words and ways to communicate. Or it’s an ongoing battle with your child in their development in general.
As a parent of a young adult living with mental health challenges, some days it’s joyful and some days it’s filled with sadness. Some days I even feel like I’m the child and he’s the parent, as I so desperately want his attention, acknowledgement for more than 3 seconds, and words that express his feelings over the meal I have prepared.
Attending a few different parent groups has helped me tremendously over the last 9 years. It’s not easy finding the right combination of facilitators and parents to meet the unique needs of individuals.
For the last month, I have been hosting a Friday Zoom for my subscribers at 4 pm PT, where we meet for about 40-60 minutes. It’s a check-in of sorts with the framework of grounding, a metta practice, followed by a reading to prompt a discussion about the current state of parenting.
A Reframe of Expectations for Your Child
After we provide shelter, food, safety, and most of all love, how do we teach them self-respect, respect for others, and their safety? Believe it or not, our children own the right to manifest and experience life in a way that may not agree with us. Even if it’s so difficult to watch them sometimes, maybe all the time.
Here is a list from Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Clinical Psychologist, that I shared at a recent meeting:
Not that they will be a good achiever, but a good learner.
Not that they will obey you, but respect you.
Not that they will blindly follow your dictates, but that they will seek your counsel.
Not that they will be a star, but that they will master the art of being.
Not that they will follow your vision, but that they will create their own.
Not that they will achieve “success,” but that they will live a life of purpose.
Not that they will find direction, but that they will find meaning.
Not that they will be your puppet, but that they will be your spiritual partner.
Not that they will experience pain, but that they will find the means to become whole.
Not that they won’t fail, but that they will find the courage to start again.
Not that they won’t hurt others, but that they will find the grace to ask forgiveness.
May this be of benefit.
Podcast featuring a bit of my story:
Shelley opens up about her personal journey parenting a neurodivergent child, navigating the mental health system, and how mindfulness and writing became essential tools for survival and growth.
Topics covered:
Parenting through mental health crises
Embracing neurodiversity without stigma
The healing power of writing and spiritual practice
Finding hope and connection in the face of isolation
Whether you’re a parent navigating a child’s mental health journey, a writer looking for healing, or a seeker on a spiritual path, this episode is for you.
This is great, Shelley. I love that list from Dr. Tsabary. If only my parents would have been able to experience — & been open to — the support & wisdom you offer. Could have saved us all a lot of heartache. So glad parents today have this opportunity.