The Crisis Facing Young Men – and the Archetypes that Could Heal Them

Honoring Men for Men's Health Month

“...one of the hardest learnings in life is that you cannot love — or scold, or coax, or palter — anyone out of their personal suffering or into their personal potential, cannot shepherd anyone else’s becoming. We may live our lives in parallel, but at the most fundamental level we experience aliveness alone, in the solitary chamber of the self, our experience a Möbius strip of consciousness folded unto itself, our becoming the most private, most significant work we have.“

Maria Popova

Photo by Paris Bilal on Unsplash

My publication may be called Spicy Soul Mama, but I encourage men’s involvement in the community I am creating. I welcome it. We need men to balance out our conversations, to bring new perspectives and thoughts to today’s world.

I believe that on a spiritual level, both men and women need to understand, embrace, and heal their inner selves to contribute to an interconnected world, achieving equanimity for all of us.

Men are getting a bad rap – vilified just for being men. And this has nothing to do with the country’s current leadership. This is about the simplistic idea that men are bad and boys don’t deserve our attention.

I have a son and am married to a man, so I’m already invested in understanding who they are as men, what communication styles work, what supports their success, and what nourishes our relationships.

What is at the heart of what it means to be a man?

These are deep universal archetypal wounds that plague our young men today on a psychological level that affects all of us.

A journey of introspection, discovery can bring more development and awareness for individual growth. This journey is for the individual to take, yet we need more male leaders to bring them along on the journey.

King or the Father - brings sovereignty, leadership, order, and legacy with benevolence and grounded behaviors. Today, the shadow side of the King is prevalent with weakness and abusiveness because there is little initiation, mentorship to claim this personal power effectively.

Warrior or the Brother - brings courage, protection, and discipline – behaviors to ignite meaningful change with integrity. The shadow side of the Warrior is self-descructive, lacking conscience – think passive and explosive anger.

Magician or the Wild Man - brings insight, transformation, inner-mastery, innovator with a deep knowing of how to connect and guide others. The shadow side of the Magician is malnourished, and manipulates to deceive, and is disconnected from his heart.

Lover or the Initiated Man - brings sensuality, beauty, emotion, connection, and creativity. Deeply present and connected to their body and the earth. The Lover’s shadow side (the “bad boy”) brings disconnection and disembodiment through addiction, is emotionally shut down, and fears intimacy.

My son’s journey was stunted and halted in these universal archetypal initiations since his mental health crisis that began nine years ago. While he may have an official DSM diagnosis, many of his characteristics mirror those of many young men today: isolated, deep immersion in playing video games, spending hours upon hours watching movies, limiting real-world social interaction, resulting in clipped conversations with stunted interpersonal skills.

I could project that he is connected to the initiation phase of adulthood because he’s highly sensitive to the world around him, and he is a warrior at some phase because he has always been disciplined and leads with integrity most of the time. He is also independent and relatively high-functioning and isolated. It’s a predicament that I surrender to again and again.

As I look back on what was presented to him as a young man-child in a public high school, he was placed in a safe container of a single classroom with other students who had severe issues, none of which was spoken about. I met a few of them outside of school when they came to our home, and all I could surmise was that they were highly sensitive young men needing connection. The class was a nurturing environment with a lovely, empathetic teacher who strived to create community with field trips to volunteer at a local shelter and other activities. Within the greater system of the school, they could have been seen as a bunch of misfits by the norm. The students even had a therapist assigned to them.

From what I could tell, the curriculum was dumbed down to address everyone’s issues. At times when I visited the classroom, they were often working independently on computers, trying to get through the necessary steps to graduate. A truly missed opportunity in a small setting for personal growth and discovery. Much of his entire adolescent development was stunted.

While I’m grateful for this space for my son during his high school years, I also believe it stunted his growth, did not challenge him, put him in a box, and did not help him to find his inner self.

How were these young men going to connect to their imagination, to grow, heal from childhood wounds, and become members of society?

Photo by Taylor Nicole on Unsplash

Some intellectuals like Scott Galloway, a professor at NYU Stern School of Business, have discussed the multifaceted challenges facing young men today. He emphasizes that these issues are not about individual shortcomings but are deeply rooted in systemic, cultural, and economic factors.

Young men are disproportionately affected by mental health crises, educational disparities (lower college completion rate compared to women), lack of role models and mentors in educational settings, mixed messaging about being both vulnerable and stoic, and the digital immersion leaving them less able to form relationships and communicate effectively.

In a recent interview in The Sun, Richard Reeves, who wrote “Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It”, sounded the alarm about the problems men and boys face today.

He argues these issues are NOT caused by increased opportunities for women.

We need to look at how men are chastised by some women for simply being men. Reeves claims we have two similar-looking gender gaps with different causes. He argues there is no villain or oppressor, and to think feminism is entirely responsible for creating these issues is gravely wrong, and to say so is lazy. There is no feminist plot, for instance, but structural issues when it comes to boys’ education, like how it is set up for sitting still for long periods, a diversified curriculum highlighting paths for all genders, and even harsher disciplinary consequences for boys, make school more difficult for them to navigate.

For example, when Reeves was walking in a school hallway, on one side was a decorated wall with uplifting messages for girls, with “you can be anything you want to be,” and promoting S.T.E.M. programs. On the other side, nothing for boys. He looked at his son, asked how he felt about that, and his son responded that it’s just the way it is.

My heart hurt for that boy and all boys. What have we done?

We created numerous messages for girls: be assertive, empowered, ambitious, and educated. Assert your autonomy, be your best selves because you are women and women are strong!

What did we create for boys? A long list of don’ts: don’t participate in toxic masculinity, don’t mansplain to a woman, hold the door – don’t hold the door, allow her to pay – don’t allow her to pay. It’s confusing.

We end up having positivity for one culture and negativity for the other.

Some solutions are about creating more male-friendly education amid the decline of apprenticeship opportunities and career and technical education. The drop in boys’ participation in extracurricular activities, especially sports – an excellent training ground for communication and teamwork – is impacting these problems as well. And coaches are in short supply, meaning boys who do participate have fewer male role models.

What are some positive messages we can begin to support boys and men with?

If we recognize the importance of men’s inner development, we can see the explanation for this struggle.

What would it look like to empower boys and men, to stop demonizing them, assuming they have everything they need?

A healthy and evolved man possesses a clear understanding of their purpose and role in life, with an ability to see beyond themselves. However, the work begins with the understanding of the core archetypes of Father, Brother, Wild Man, and Lover. To take this initiative, we need men to lead them in these archetypal ways to the journey of healing, growth, and awareness.

Today, there are simply too many unfathered kings, disempowered warriors, exiled lovers, and uninitiated magicians.

There is so much possibility with more awareness that lies ahead for a vision of masculinity that is both strong and compassionate, driven by a commitment to responsibility, growth, compassion, protection, and the well-being of others.

But they have to want it and do the work. Men have to help themselves and one another. If men take accountability, show up, and do the work, I’m here for it and will support it.

They need a revolution of kindness and evolution resulting in unity, risk, and leading the charge of emotionally aware with grounded strength and more positive contributions to society.

I know some of these men who are leading the charge, and I hope to have them on my podcast this September.

If you like this content and look forward to it every week, please consider becoming a paid subscriber at the price of a cup of coffee per month; it means more than you know.

“I look at pictures of my child when he was young, and I remember his young, innocent light, and he’s still in there.”

In this heartfelt episode of Bounce Back Stronger, host Donna Ferris speaks with writer, mindfulness teacher, and mental health advocate Shelley Karpaty, also known as “Spicy Soul Mama.” Together, they explore the complex intersection of motherhood, mental health advocacy, neurodiversity, and spiritual healing.

Whether you’re a parent navigating a child’s mental health journey, a writer looking for healing, or a seeker on a spiritual path, this episode is for you.