The Magic of Basketball and Small Talk
And an Upcoming FREE Workshop for "Writers" (whether you identify or not)
“Hey, I’m going out to the park, I’ll be back later.”
A bit surprised and happy he told me I replied, “Great, what park?”
“Civic Center.”
“Oh cool, there should be a lot of activity happening there. Are you going to walk around or skate?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ok, see you later then, enjoy the activity.”
The lift in my voice sounds desperate, shoot, I catch myself and internally berate. He hardly begins conversations with me and only comes in the room where I work to pet the dog, Lucy, who sits behind my chair. I fantasize that someday he will come over to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and say, “How’s it going, Mom? What are you up to?”
When he’s asked me these questions in the past, I know he’s feeling confident. The conversation may end quickly but I’m thrilled to have it.
There’s this massive park filled with sprawling green lawns, surrounded by desert mountains reflecting the light, a pond where ducks swim, and paved pathways to walk or skateboard to the jungle gym, basketball, tennis, and volleyball courts, baseball fields, and even an Olympic-sized swimming pool. It’s alive with activity day or night, so I know he’s observing life when he goes there. I only wish he’d interact with people to join a pickup game or something, but that is unlikely.
“How about if I get you a basketball? Will you use it to shoot hoops over there?”
“Sure, maybe.”
“If you get there before anyone is there, I guarantee people will come over to talk to you to shoot with you. We can practice small talk if you want.”
Because of my background as a corporate recruiter, I’ve honed the gift of gab and I guess you could say it’s in my DNA because of my outgoing parents. I could stand in a grocery line and find something to say. It comes easy to me and I wish this part of my personality had been transferred to him.
For some reason, the basketball I ordered on Amazon is taking a lot longer than expected and it’s been a week. Like everything with my son, it takes a lot longer than my mind wants it to and I’m constantly recalibrating my level of patience and control.
In anticipation of this magic basketball that will suddenly unleash a social life for my son, I’ve been mentally preparing how to give him small talk tools.
How’s your day going? The easiest one to say, it’s open-ended, non-intrusive, and shows you care about the other person.
It’s the follow-up questions that get tricky. Hang onto one thing the person says and ask about it to keep it going.
That reminds me of a time when… This builds some personal connection to keep it going.
Did you know…? Did you know that they have live music in the park here on Fridays? That could lead to all kinds of conversations about music!
Nice talking with you. Shows attentiveness, inclusivity, and awareness when it’s time to end the conversation.
My mind reminisces his childhood personality in hopes of drawing out happy memories when he had a group of friends but I don’t want him to feel bad as they are in the past. There are a few friends left from the school years but now, at 22 years old, we have moved away soon after he graduated high school for various reasons (like leaving the stress of Silicon Valley) and live in an area where people come to retire, play golf, or vacation. Not exactly the optimal place for a young person unless they are in the local community college or learning a trade. Thankfully, he has a seasonal job at the local hotel. However, it’s been full of starts and stops due to the seasonal work.
To be honest, I have to compartmentalize and dissociate this relationship at times and focus on my own life because if he doesn’t want to be helped, I can’t help him. This turns into anger, which is love with nowhere to go with a deep need to control and protect as the mother that I am and always will be.
If I had my way, I would get him down slightly on the meds to hopefully “wake” him up a bit, get a therapist who can stick it out with him and not give up, who will understand and believe in him even when he gives so little to go on and get him on a metabolic diet that will help him gain weight and bulk up a bit.
And I will wait as patiently as I can.
Thank you for “listening.”
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Read on to see what’s coming up next!
Coming up next:
Let’s Write Together for FUN!
A FREE workshop for anyone who is looking to start or invigorate their writing practice in a community. I have been honing this workshop with people who are writer-identifying and non-writer identifying and the feedback has been amazing.
“I loved writing in community.”
“It’s a really beautiful offering.”
“I can’t believe how much I was able to write!”
“I liked the small group sharing without judgment.”
FREE 75 minute class Saturday, November 2 at 10:30am PT
Message me for the link and details. See video below I made for a client for more.
Upcoming Podcast Guests:
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You know I understand how much you want that connection with him. I don't know which is better or worse. I have a son who wants to talk endlessly, but not really connect. He mostly likes to state his opinions, ask mine, and then tell me I'm wrong. Hugs friend...