Letting it fall, letting it go, but I'm still unsure about God taking the wheel

I'm not sure about this holy thing when it comes to parenting and activism

Dear Reader,

Thank you for being here.

Thursday night in the Ram Dass Parent Satsang (community) we reviewed a talk given by one of Ram Dass’ students, Mirabai Starr, author and teacher, who began her interactions with Ram Dass in her informative years and often weaves these stories into her talks. As I listened to her talk assuredly about being in the heart space as a courageous, perilous journey we can recognize that we are not alone, I felt supported even though she couldn’t see me on the other side of the screen. Being in the heart space is being true to who I am and while I spend a lot of time there or too much time there, I have a problem with small talk or being in a large social setting. One of the side effects of the pandemic for me is being an extroverted introvert. I love being out in the world but need alone down time or small groups to feel safe and connected to myself. We can stop in nature to notice our surroundings and how one bird cannot exist without the tree brand and how the tree branch cannot exist without the trunk of the tree and the trunk needs its roots and the soil and the leaves cannot exist without my exhale.

It made me think of this poem about change and interconnectedness I’ve been reading in the meditation classes I teach:

No matter how painful the change,

let yourself become a new creation.

Do you think the maples push out

their red buds each spring without an ache in the skin of their limbs?

Do yo think the marsh ferns unfurl

without effort, without missing the selves

they once were? Each frond like a newly

feathered wing reaching up into this

uncertain air we all breathe together.

—James Crews

Relying on impermanence of everything, changing, shifting and while it is easy to be heartbroken on a daily basis, from the world at large to the myopic view of my son who’s time frame is moving at a snail’s pace, all I can do is change myself.

Ram Dass truly embodied the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine with absolute assuredness that both exist in us all. The Divine Masculine being the reason, logic analysis and strategy while the Divine Feminine energy is intuition, wisdom and inner knowing - a balance in strength and gentleness. Mirabai went on to express how we are all impacted and burdened by the patriarchy both male and female because of the conditioning it presents to us. Religions were created by and for men to have power and in turn created messages of, “Don’t be too much. Stay in your lane. Follow the rules.” We are all affected by these teachings throughout our culture of individuality and separateness despite the organized religions desire to have us all corralled.

Who are we not to be too much? Who are we not to stay in our lane? Who are we not to break the rules that don’t suit us? Especially when it comes to parenting! That is where the excitement and growth lies!

I say to the parents who join the Parent Sangha on Thursday evenings that we are breaking the mold by stepping away from what society deems to be the “right” way to find the heart way. We are not burdens. We are not too much. We can live from our hearts and see how we are all connected and then when struggles arise we can manage them as grist for the mill. It is no small feat. It is for the brave to walk away from what we have been so deeply conditioned to be and do.

Then the question arises for me -

How do I be an activist in today’s world while balancing fighting with loving?

I realize I cannot be political in my activism for change because it is too massive to tackle and it begins to feel righteous. Political activism clings to beliefs so strongly it becomes too divisive and I begin to “other” human beings and my desire to be right and make them wrong simply doesn’t do anyone any good. Moving the needle is futile and deeply depressing. The goal of political activism is all about winning and while I have a healthy stream of competition, it doesn’t work for me in this context.

If I can tell one story that makes one person think differently about mental health with any visceral reaction then I am being an activist in the way that works for my own mental health. It feels more like helping than winning when I am able to give someone a platform to tell their story like this one published on the Mad in America blog this week. This is the first one in a series I’ll be writing. I am currently interviewing a parent of a young man who lives with severe OCD and a caregiver, husband to a woman who lives with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

Mad in America

While I step away from my Jewish identity in a religious aspect, I do not step away from its deep identity in my DNA. I take the value of tikkun olam (repairing the world) value to heart as well as the Mishnah Sanhedrin of the Jewish Talmud, it is written that “he who saves a single soul saves a whole world.”

The important thing is not to think much but to love much and so do that which best stirs you to love. Love is not great delight but desire to please God in everything. - St Teresa of Avila

I love the way Mirabai owns her “promiscuous spirituality” as Ram Dass called her out on because I can identify with it within myself. Seeing the beauty in multiple modalities of thought in spiritual realms to understand and relate to. She’s an expert on the teachings of St. Teresa of Avila, having written multiple books on this Saint when she brings her words to the students, I am transfixed. Her transmissions from Ram Dass and her own experiences of spiritual exploration truly speak to me from exploring the Divine Feminine and deep grief from the loss of her child. As the discussion with fellow parents continued around this, I realized I still have a problem with the word “holy” and the word “God.” And I still haven’t relinquished all control as I still cling to how I want things to be with my son. My timeline of how he’s “supposed” to be living out in the world on his own and realized as the discussion with my fellow parents continued, how I still cling, I still try to control, to keep safe, and to nourish. I mean we do need our egos to survive in the “awake” world. As much as I spout my beliefs in the unseen, in the Divine, I still struggle with the utmost unwavering full belief that God exists and that holy is something that is to be revered. I am consistently a contradicting human with neuroses.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. —Einstein

Thank you for being here. May your day be bright and joyful. Shabbat Shalom.

Namaste ~ Shelley

other happenings and ways to connect

Writing - Let’s create!

I’m currently taking on clients who need help with their writing projects from newsletters to blog posts. I’m currently working with the Design Boutique and write blogs for their clients. And another potential client will be hiring me to write their newsletter.

To see my writing samples send me a message.

Parent Support - Work with me!

There are 2 ways to work with me and get parenting support.

1. Join the Ram Dass Parent Sangha - We meet 2x month on the 1st and 3rd Thursdays from 5:00 pm - 6:30 pm PT on Zoom. This donation-based gathering is for parents who need support in community. We bring the spiritual part of parenting or conscious parenting to the forefront through meditation, discussions from teachings and find ways to reframe the role as a parent.

2. 1:1 discussion with me; mentoring, resource sharing, and meditation - I provide parents with space to feel the challenges of parenting children who are struggling with their mental health. As I’ve been on this journey for 8 years now, I can bring what I’ve learned to provide a new lens.

Meditate with Me - Join me on Insight Timer (free)

I’m available for in-person and online groups. I’m currently in residence at Two Bunch Palms, desert oasis spa and hotel, teaching meditation to their guests.