Soapbox Speeches that led to the Practical Drug of Hope

I struggle with labels

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Last week was World Mental Health Day and while I think about and write about mental health pretty much daily, I thought I’d bring back this piece I wrote in April 2021 that was published on Elephant Journal.

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A human being is a spatially and temporally limited piece of the whole, what we call the “Universe.” He experiences himself and his feelings as separate from the rest, an optical illusion of his consciousness. The quest for liberation from this bondage [or illusion] is the only object of true religion. Not nurturing the illusion but only overcoming it gives us the attainable measure of inner peace. - Albert Einstein

I found this quote in 2021 somehow when I was learning about SMI (Severe Mental Illness), or maybe because it appeared when I witnessed my online friend have a psychotic break through his words. I feel like it relates to the human condition of the maya or the illusion we are all trying to free ourselves from. Only people who experience these altered states may have one up on us. We are all working to escape and find inner peace and maybe those who experience psychosis are having mystical states that we can learn from.

“I am your neighbor, do you love me?”

“The joy of the Lord is my strength.”

“I hope we can all play tomorrow. And hope has always been my drug of choice.”

James¹ spoke to us on the WhatsApp group chat about his lack of sleep and desire to greet his sins and be renewed. This was not a religious or spiritual group but a writing group.

We connected through our shared muse of Julia Cameron’s book, “The Artist’s Way,” once a week. While the group was not spiritual, the book was clearly spiritual, as noted in the subtitle, “Creativity as a Spiritual Practice.” The weekly tasks and exercises push the writer to get in touch with their core being, beyond the ego mind, and it has a deep impact if the writer is consistent.

James and I connected through our similar spiritual practices and writing outside of the group. He became a trusted writer friend, editing, and discussing our craft. We discussed the reframing of our own childhood religious structures into our unique ways and on our specific terms.

Having had many lengthy conversations about Buddhism, I knew James was an intelligent, empathic, compassionate friend. I wanted to ignore the signals of grandiosity he began to exhibit. The little red flags in my brain were like a toddler pulling on my shirt. “Pay attention to me!” We lived in states with 3,000 miles between us, so it wasn’t like I could go over to his house to see what was really happening.

About 10 weeks into the book group, it took a turn for the worse and he began addressing the group chat in his soapbox speeches of God and consciousness. The group ignored his archetypal self-loathing comparing himself to the Enemy that is Satan of all that is good and true in the world. The writers became concerned and uncomfortable but silent. Some nicely asked to remove him from the group chat.

Awkward. Wrong. Heartless. Truthfully, they were ill-equipped and they were fearful. And James had founded this group for all of us and now some wanted to abandon him. Here he was, melting his ego right in front of us and it was too much. I began to feel like his protective big sister.

People with psychosis do not want to be fixed or saved. They want to be witnessed, held, loved, and supported, and respected to make their own decisions.

I knew firsthand that when people don’t sleep for days on end, the mind can go down paranoid destructive paths. Sleep deprivation can be lethal in all kinds of ways. I urged him to get some sleep and to take care of himself, told him to call his doctor for medication to sleep, but he had competing personal priorities and they didn’t include putting himself first. I told him I didn’t know what to do.

The saying seems to be that if you’re spiritual you’re cool, but if you talk about God, then you must be crazy.

Here we were as writers, gathered to have a spiritual experience and when the conversation switched to God, it became uncomfortable.

The medical term for those with thought disorders is psychosis, or also known as bipolar or schizophrenia. There is no one clear definition for any psychosis. Each person’s experience is individual which is why it can be difficult to diagnose and often is misdiagnosed. It is said that people “lose touch” with reality which may involve seeing things, hearing voices, or having delusions.

According to Psychology Today, delusional thinking is fixed and false personal beliefs that are resistant to change in the light of conflicting evidence. It is something that is very important to the person, despite the evidence that they are not true. Delusional thinking ranges from grandiose, erotomanic, persecutory, jealous, somatic, or a mixture of these.

It is called a “break” when someone exhibits these characteristics. Until you see someone firsthand experiencing this, you don’t really know what your reaction will be.

My experiences of people with thought disorders are that they are deeply empathic, kind, sensitive, and have a hidden brilliance. Many have creative talent and often can see the big picture in a situation and have a sixth sense of who is “safe” and who is not.

Interestingly, others with neurodivergent minds like people with autism or dyslexia also carry these traits. Sometimes, people with psychosis have endured a deep unresolved trauma. Recovery is possible for people living with psychosis.

A few of us defended James to our group by educating them about this type of mental illness by sharing some personal stories and experiences. We found his family through some online detective work, and his volunteer coordinator at the Suicide Prevention Hotline, and got him the help and attention he needed. Despite all this discussion, there were still a few who remained silent and visibly uncomfortable.

Silence is powerful and cutting.

James did not return to the group that he founded.

Here’s how to help someone who is symptomatic:

1. Don’t panic or overreact.

2. Listen — non-judgementally.

3. Medication, treatment, or diagnosis should not be the focus.

4. Speak slowly and simply.

5. Stay positive.

6. Contact their family or mental health professional.

Healing is possible through a combination of medication, therapy, healthy habits of eating, and exercise. It cannot be done without a community or family of support. I truly believe that we need to hold people where they are and allow them to BE who they are without judgment.

I am so proud to call James my friend and when we speak it is authentic and truthful. And that is the crux of life, witnessing another, awareness and being seen for who we truly are.

1. Name changed to protect privacy.